Cold Nights

I am supposed to go for my ultrasound tomorrow morning, bright and early. The one that tells me if all the drugs I have been pumping into my system is working. Except tonight the furnace stopped working. Our house is older, so we knew this was coming, but really, a week before Christmas, during our last round of insurance covered fertility!!???!! Really??!! See that's my panic. If we buy a new furnace what happens to the meager savings/cash flow we have/need for our next rounds? I won't even get into how angry I get that money stands between me and building a family, tonight I am frozen with panic. I am scared through to my soul that these are the life changing moments, the things that look like tiny bumps in the road for most people but for us are the hand on the lock of the door of dreams shutting in our face. And we both know it and don't say it. Like we don't say it at the grocery store because we're not really worried about the price of walnuts, but wonder if that $5 is going to be needed for drugs or IVF.
So tonight it is very cold in my house.