The morning after

Remember a little while back I said when in doubt go Broadway? I got some new inspiration from the Tony awards last night.

Comes a point in every body's life
when they've gotta stand up and face a fight....
I swallowed my fear, followed my heart right here.....
If you listen to the beat and hear what's in your soul,
you'll never let anyone steal your rock n roll



We hid in the house most of the weekend. We both had sort of weird Friday nights. Since we don't share most of our reproductive schedules with friends we keep getting hammered with comments and questions. And usually we present a united front of deflection. But we have one couple that knows a little of what we are going through. So I accidentally let my guard down in a group the other night when she asked me a question. And then everyone knew. And then the mood changed. No one was directly mean or rude, but it was like one of those dreams where you realize you're naked in the cafeteria. So that probably explains the need to hide and regroup. We cleaned closets and junk drawers. But mostly we spent a lot of time together, laughing at the stupid piles of junk we have hidden around our house and watching the cats turn stuff into toys and eventually shreds.

And then we realized that we haven't had guests over in months. My sister has been here a few times. People have stopped by. But its summer and we haven't even thought of cook outs or party planning. And that's not us. We didn't buy this big house just to fill it with kids, we did it to fill our home with life and laughter. And we need to start doing that again.

See I realized I let all this fertility business steal my rock n roll. No I don't want to turn into that crazy latter who tells the check out girl that she needs to hurry because I'm ovulating. I just need to be me. And part of me is a woman that wants to have a baby with the man she loves. So I need to make this less about Dr.s and medicine and other people's ideas about how or what to do. Back to basics.