Terrible Tuesday

So who am I today?
Tuesdays title #1 Granddaughter
Went with my Gram today to look at her new apartment. Its at an senior community. And while on paper I think its great, it sucked going. Not that it wasn't great. The neighbors seemed super nice, she has a nice garden which she has really missed (she currently lives w/ my mom who is a die hard city girl so no yard) But I have to be honest there were ALOT of old people and it hit me that she is fit in. Ok I know my gram is older (she's 85) but it still sucked to see her that way. And everything in me wanted to scream "Don't do it!" But the reality is I don't know what else to recommend. The current situation isn't working out, but I felt defeated. And the thing is my mom is really scared about her living alone. And I'm scared about her being alone, my husbands gram being alone, my mom being alone....because we know what its like to have your greatest fear come true. About 2 years ago, my mother in law passed away, suddenly, in her sleep. Home alone. And in reality that just never leaves you. So tonight I feel like I'm faking being excited for her. Hopefully by the time I get to her house tomorrow I will have recovered
And as if the day wasn't confusing enough I got a second title, or should I say I didn't get a title I was hoping for. For the 14th month in a row, we have not become pregnant. So I keep the title childless and move another step forward towards offically being titled "Fertility Issues"
And the thing is I keep telling myself that if we could just achieve the title of parents that it would heal all these other little (and some big) wounds that we have. I would love our grandmothers to meet our children and each month that goes by makes that dream feel like its slipping away.