Well maybe next year

It's father's day. And while its probably not as hard for my husband as mother's day was for me, it's still rough around the edges. Because no matter the fact that we have a cute title, DINK (double income no kids) they don't make cards and have commericals and put art on Google's homepage for that. And today is one of those days that reminds me how very much I love him. Because I actually hurt that I can't buy him a card today.

Now for the crazy part....see if you are also traveling through the land of If (told you I read a bunch of those infertility books) this won't sound crazy at all, I meant it sounds a little nutty to regular people. I did the math in my head (by product of infertility is that you start being able to do large amounts of math in your head) and was thinking about the fact that if we do get pregnant this month then the baby will be due around my husbands birthday, that this should really be the last holiday we are childless. I mean I could even know by the 4th of July! And if we get pregnant this month then we could send Christmas cards with my belly and have a baby shower around New Year's and schedule couples massages for valentine's day and I could get a teeny St. Patrick's Day onesie and the baby will be old enough to take to church on Easter and we could have a big 4th of July BBQ for the baptism....This whole wonderful dream is so close.

And I was doing so well too. I had really not had one of these full blown "IF" days in a long time. So yes my brain knows its a long shot. Yes I have been down this road and know the bitter pain and disappointment that I am potentially setting myself up for. So yes I will take my big girl pill and take it down a notch. But maybe, just maybe.....maybe next year will be different.